The Surprisingly Powerful Session

I want to tell you about the surprisingly powerful session I had yesterday with my therapist. Usually it's a way for me to talk through some of the conflicting feelings I've been having about coming out to my wife in particular, but this time was different and I can't stop thinking about it.

In the session a week ago, the therapist suggested I write a letter to my wife, explaining my thinking about coming out and writing down my journey so far. I did so as soon as I got home and it was so easy to write it wrote itself . I made no edits, thinking I would come back to it before giving it to her. It was totally honest, and would allow her, hopefully, to digest the information I had already given to her once I had come out to her.

At this most recent session I told my therapist about the letter-writing process and she asked me to read it. Since it was in my cloud drive, it was available on my phone so I started reading. The first couple of sentences went well, but I started to feel super-emotional as I went on talking about our family and how, despite the harm it may do, I don't have a choice as I'm destroying the relationships by withdrawing into myself.

I got it together during the factual historical boring bits (to me) recounting my failed gay relationship in the 80s, and the events that led me to understanding I was gay instead of bisexual. Then the letter changed and I started talking about my feelings and how my decision would affect her and I lost it again – to such an extent that I was unable to continue for quite a while.

When I finally was able to, I struggled through the final paragraphs and then broke down again. I was amazed. The depth of my emotions was so intense and it took me completely by surprise. The letter had been very easy and straightforward to write, but reading it out loud was massively hard and demonstrated how hard it will be to tell her.

If you, dear reader, are in a similar situation, I would recommend you do the same. Write everything you want to say to your spouse in a letter and be brutally honest. It will be quite easy to write because it is your truth. It is what you are feeling right now. And then, a week or so later read it to your therapist, best friend or significant other who is helping you through this process. If you don't have anyone, get someone. It is so important to be supported and to feel that you have others you can lean on when things get tough – and, after this experience, I'm convinced that they will get very tough for a while.

Maybe I'll share the letter some day. If you are interested, send me an email at nightshade@storiesonspeed.com

I have a week-and-a-half left before I have to tell my wife. I am terrified. But this experience has brought home to me why I don't have any other option. Staying silent IS not an option. The emotional strain has become too much and I need to come clean.